Case #1: Admitting it is the first step to the cure
One day I was teaching a group of corporate leaders. The conversations were getting deeper as attendees reflected on what they wanted to stand for as leaders and what legacy they wanted to leave. In the world of diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI), the deeper you go, the closer you get to your personal values. It becomes hard to not hold up a mirror to see to what extent your actions align with your values and personal vision.
The group was resistant to admitting they may have done something that may have been denigrating to women or BIPOC individuals, even though there was data showing the work environment wasn’t inclusive. There was a resistance to being labeled. There was a resistance to feeling shame. There was a resistance to being vulnerable.
I asked the group, “Do you ever lose your temper?”
“Yes,” they said.
“Have you ever made fun of someone or gossiped?”
“Yes,” they said.
“Are you ever selfish?”
“Yes,” they said.
“One more question. Do you ever lie?”
“Yes,” they said.
I asked, “If you are willing to admit these things, why can’t you say you have done something racist or sexist? Why stops you from admitting you have biases or stereotypes? It all comes from the same messy source of being human.”
Reflection and Action
Reflection questions:
Why is it easier to say, “I have lost my temper, made fun of someone, gossiped, been selfish and lied” than it is to say, “I have done something racist or sexist” or “I have stereotypes and biases”?
When is feeling guilt or shame healthy? When is it unhealthy?
If you want to be more inclusive, why is it important to make it safe for yourself to explore your biases, things you have done, and stereotypes you have about groups of people?
Try this: (You’ll need a piece of paper and something to write with for this exercise. You also want to be somewhere you can work in private.)
Choose a demographic that is different from any with which you identify.
Write that word at the top of the page.
On the left side of the page, list any biases, assumptions or stereotypes you have about that demographic. (Go deep and bold with this. Allow it all to bubble up to your consciousness.)
To the extent you can, to the right of each bias, assumption, or stereotype, note where you learned it.
Compare the list with your personal values. Decide if you want to continue to let these influence you in anyway and work to mitigate them. (More on strategies for how to do this in other cases and articles.)
